mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
