I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
