he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
