I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
