4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
