How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
