Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
