just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
