cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
