Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
