Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
