im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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