trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
