:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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