as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
