last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She bit a glass in half.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
