It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
