But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
