Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You ruined the universe
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
