Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
