We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
