She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
