that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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