it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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