Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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