can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I could fuck to npr.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
