this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
