Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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