After last night, I could never be a politician.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
