I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
