You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
