It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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