Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
