you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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