I wish I only lived at night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
