I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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