You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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