just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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