he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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