sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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