So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize