We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
