i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
