No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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