wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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