Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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