you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
