I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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