I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Even my vagina gasped.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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