They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
