Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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