OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
