it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
