you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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