Life is so much better after having sex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
