I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
