he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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