i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
