dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
