dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
