So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
