he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
