my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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