That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
