Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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