just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
