i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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