So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
