It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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